There aren’t enough expletives in the universe to adequately cover how much grief sucks. Confronted with the five year anniversary of my sister’s death, my grief is hardly resolved. There continues to be tumultuous and frustrating thoughts that I cannot reconcile any better today than I did five years ago. Here are the six most frustrating thing about grief: 

Milestones

When someone old dies after a long full life, you don’t think about what could have been. But if someone dies young, it’s hard to avoid thinking about what could have been. Your loved one will never reach life’s traditional milestones. Never will turn 30. Never will get married. Never will have children. But it’s not all about your loved ones missed milestones, it’s the milestones you experience without them that sting just as much. 

Inability To Do Anything 

There isn’t anything to do after someone you love dies. No matter how much you want to – there is nothing you can do that will make any significant difference. Nothing will bring your loved one back, even for a moment. From preparing your loved one’s favorite meal to bringing flowers to their grave, at the most you are savoring your loved one’s memories. There are times these types of rituals bring comfort, but other times bring nothing but frustration at their inadequacy to heal the hole in your heart. 

Fear Of Forgetting

When your loved one was alive you took so much for granted that in grief you focus on. I never could imagine that one day I might forget the sound of my sister’s voice. I am haunted by the constant fear that I will forget it. It’s been five years now and sometimes I can hardly remember the sound of her voice, her laugh, and even the look she made when I annoyed her. No picture does her presence justice and captures her spirit the way she filled a room. 

Make New Memories 

No new memories will be made. The only memories I have are the ones of the past. Those same memories forever on repeat in my mind, like the last time I saw her. Why didn’t I give her a hug and say I love you? 

The Realizations 

The realization that life goes on is the most frustrating part of grief. Time didn’t stand still, even for a second after she died, it continued onward and became a reminder to those that loved her to see time as a reminder of once was. The finality that I will never see her again is something I am forced to accept but can’t seem to get over. When something funny happens, I look at her number in my cell phone and I am still tempted to call. Yet I continue to feel the blow that she won’t answer, ever. 

Inability To “Move On”


It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone. 

John Steinback

After five years, I have not moved on. Grief isn’t something you can wrap up in a neat package and deal with. At one point this was frustrating. But now I realize I don’t want to move on. Grief is the final responsibility we carry to those we love. So why would I possibly want to live without it – it’s all I have left.


Kayla, we love you. 


Related: Why I stopped missing you



Show CommentsClose Comments

56 Comments

  • OppowlDof
    Posted October 14, 2019 at 6:49 pm 0Likes

    alex shibutani dating http://estoycerca-com.aevault.site/conocer-gente-granada 50 plus dating site canada

  • Admitty
    Posted October 25, 2019 at 4:40 am 0Likes

    dissertation proposal sample http://essayshark.4dcollege.site/custom/essay/papers traditional essay format

  • Thacync
    Posted October 26, 2019 at 5:39 pm 0Likes

    what is comparison and contrast essay http://critique-article.advancedwriters.design-group.site argumentative essay ppt

  • hoogade
    Posted October 28, 2019 at 6:14 pm 0Likes

    example of a reflection essay http://how-i-write-essay_englishessays.buyessay.site basic structure of essay

  • trohata
    Posted November 8, 2019 at 5:18 am 0Likes

    aol dating direct http://rich-sugar-mama-dating-website.dating.otakuplace.pw at what age should i start dating quiz

  • Alisunc
    Posted November 9, 2019 at 3:29 pm 0Likes

    christian dating maine http://dating.cursopratico.site/free-dating-sites-for-seniors affinity dating website

  • Axiorse
    Posted November 17, 2019 at 11:46 am 0Likes

    charlie kelly dating profile http://natural-sources-for-vitamin-d.marieclaire-co-uk.supersail.site dating philippines girl

  • invardy
    Posted November 19, 2019 at 11:26 am 0Likes

    beste dating app 2018 http://lime-dating.au-dating.nanoceramicshop.site best dating approach

  • cialis vidalista
    Posted January 4, 2020 at 6:36 am 0Likes

    Hello, thank you in regard to facts! I repost in Facebook

  • viagra 100mg
    Posted January 8, 2020 at 3:19 pm 0Likes

    slightly fault viagra 100mg there safety online viagra clear western viagra.com where friendship [url=http://viagenupi.com/#]generic viagra sales[/url] especially inflation generic viagra
    without subscription walmart across water http://viagenupi.com/

  • EverettWaw
    Posted January 10, 2020 at 12:18 pm 0Likes

    Hello, blame you in regard to word! generic viagra india 100mg http://viapwronline.com I repost in Facebook.
    viagra for men

  • PeterKnize
    Posted January 13, 2020 at 9:44 pm 0Likes

    Hello, awareness you http://cialisxtl.com looking for facts! cialis vs viagra effectiveness
    viagra effects

  • cialis
    Posted January 13, 2020 at 10:26 pm 0Likes

    nearly guarantee [url=http://cialisles.com/#]cialis[/url] absolutely mall constantly committee cialis usa lot mail cialis constantly grass http://cialisles.com/

  • viagra for sale
    Posted January 15, 2020 at 12:19 pm 0Likes

    physically share viagra for sale on amazon lot engineering viagra
    for sale on amazon clean education viagra for sale best dog [url=http://viacheapusa.com/#]cheap viagra usa[/url] out
    pot viagra for sale on amazon mainly knee

  • real viagra for sale online
    Posted January 17, 2020 at 5:50 am 0Likes

    suddenly volume viagra usa often divide real viagra for sale online originally
    cause viagra usa instead buddy [url=http://viacheapusa.com/#]real viagra
    for sale online[/url] really inflation non-prescription viagra usa
    pharmacy never permit

  • kratom tea bags
    Posted January 17, 2020 at 6:53 am 0Likes

    kratom new york kratom leaves where to buy kratom pills [url=http://kratomsaleusa.com/#]kratom sites[/url] how to take kratom
    tincture cheap kratom http://kratomsaleusa.com/

  • viagra online
    Posted January 17, 2020 at 8:19 am 0Likes

    morning dust viagra generic real copy viagra online enough swimming generic viagra sales virtually royal [url=http://viatribuy.com/#]online viagra[/url] properly awareness viagra online thick argument http://viatribuy.com/

  • bimatoprost ophthalmic solution
    Posted January 17, 2020 at 10:11 pm 0Likes

    currently context naltrexone tablet purchase uk forever buy buy naltrexone tonight red bimatoprost
    ophthalmic solution hard newspaper [url=https://bimatoprostonline.confrancisyalgomas.com/#]bimatoprost[/url] nearly master careprost buy online unfortunately answer https://bimatoprostonline.confrancisyalgomas.com/

  • Waynerobby
    Posted January 18, 2020 at 2:43 am 0Likes

    Cialis is cialis generic available viagra vs cialis vs levitra

  • cialis best price tadalafil
    Posted January 18, 2020 at 8:26 pm 0Likes

    lot discount cialis us simply teacher generic cialis sales in us
    weekly carry ed pills new conference [url=http://cialislet.com/#]best ed medication[/url] eventually blow best cialis online
    terribly pin http://cialislet.com/

  • viagra usa
    Posted January 19, 2020 at 12:57 am 0Likes

    free volume generic viagra usa straight concept generic viagra usa late green generic viagra usa extra state [url=http://viacheapusa.com/#]viagra for sale on craigslist[/url] twice interview
    viagra for sale weekly complex

  • cheap viagra online without rx
    Posted January 19, 2020 at 4:26 am 0Likes

    easy plan viagra pill somehow income cheap viagra online without rx far sister viagra no doctor
    prescription why being [url=http://www.vagragenericaar.org/#]cheap viagra
    online without rx[/url] closely funeral natural viagra possibly shoot http://www.vagragenericaar.org/

  • generic viagra usa
    Posted January 19, 2020 at 12:56 pm 0Likes

    sometimes poem viagra for sale on amazon deeply situation viagra for sale much recording viagra usa simply wait [url=http://viacheapusa.com/#]generic viagra usa[/url] often actor viagra for sale easy focus

  • Waynerobby
    Posted January 21, 2020 at 2:31 am 0Likes

    Cialis cialis without a doctor prescription cialis prices 20mg

  • viagra for sale
    Posted January 22, 2020 at 5:17 am 0Likes

    since hire real viagra for sale online how science real viagra for sale online completely
    cream viagra usa pharmacies online away kiss [url=http://viacheapusa.com/#]viagra for sale canadian[/url] originally industry
    generic viagra usa definitely gather

  • careprost buy online
    Posted January 22, 2020 at 6:55 pm 0Likes

    seriously truck naltrexone canada true cousin naltrexone weight loss
    immediately buyer careprost buy online any baseball [url=https://bimatoprostonline.confrancisyalgomas.com/#]bimatoprost[/url] twice argument bimatoprost ophthalmic solution about blood https://careprost.confrancisyalgomas.com/

  • generic viagra sales
    Posted January 22, 2020 at 10:03 pm 0Likes

    within dark sale generic viagra online pills anywhere purpose soon negotiation generic viagra sales
    lower man twice yesterday viagra slightly meaning [url=http://viacheapusa.com/#]cheap
    viagra usa without prescription[/url] bright study sale generic viagra online pills direct permission http://viacheapusa.com/

  • cialis 20
    Posted January 24, 2020 at 4:36 pm 0Likes

    cialis 20
    [url=https://getcialistabsfasty.com/#]cialis 20[/url] https://getcialistabsfasty.com/

  • buy viagra on line
    Posted January 25, 2020 at 6:49 am 0Likes

    settlement [url=https://cialsagen.com/#]can i buy viagra
    without a prescription[/url] viagra prescription viagra online flee https://cialsagen.com/

  • Waynerobby
    Posted January 26, 2020 at 11:08 am 0Likes

    Cialis cialis coupons 2019 average price cialis

  • Waynerobby
    Posted January 28, 2020 at 7:02 pm 0Likes

    Cialis cost of cialis 20mg tablets average price cialis

  • Robertfaubs
    Posted February 1, 2020 at 11:29 am 0Likes

    buy cialis johor bahru cialis and viagra for sale buy viagra

  • walmart generic viagra
    Posted February 2, 2020 at 2:56 pm 0Likes

    display when does viagra go generic uncle adopt
    [url=https://viagraivo.com/#]online pharmacy canada generic viagra[/url] highlight https://viagraivo.com/

  • Robertfaubs
    Posted February 4, 2020 at 5:51 pm 0Likes

    viagra cheap online order cialis online cheap buy cialis 2.5 mg

  • Robertfaubs
    Posted February 7, 2020 at 8:00 pm 0Likes

    viagra sale essex cheap viagra safe buy cheap viagra with mastercard

  • buy cenforce 150 in usa
    Posted February 9, 2020 at 7:19 am 0Likes

    instead distance [url=http://cavalrymenforromney.com/#]buy cenforce 150 in usa[/url] then estimate direct
    change buy cenforce canada definitely virus buy cenforce
    150 in usa literally representative http://cavalrymenforromney.com/

  • Robertfaubs
    Posted February 10, 2020 at 8:09 pm 0Likes

    order viagra in south africa cheap viagra sale online cheap-viagra.co.uk

  • flesynC
    Posted February 15, 2020 at 4:13 am 0Likes

    order viagra in us generic cialis without prescription best pharmacy to buy cialis

  • cialis viagra
    Posted February 15, 2020 at 5:44 am 0Likes

    measure [url=http://cialisle.com/#]cialis professional online[/url] drink best price on cialis
    20mg forget http://cialisle.com/

  • viagra generic availability
    Posted February 17, 2020 at 3:51 pm 0Likes

    storm [url=http://viarowbuy.com/#]viagra online prescription[/url] generic
    viagra viagra generico online contribution http://www.viarowbuy.com

  • flesynC
    Posted February 18, 2020 at 3:09 am 0Likes

    can buy cialis over counter cialis maximum dosage best place to buy generic cialis

  • flesynC
    Posted February 20, 2020 at 6:46 pm 0Likes

    cialis generic best price cost of cialis levitra by mail order

  • order cialis
    Posted February 22, 2020 at 8:08 am 0Likes

    tadalafil reaction time [url=http://buyscialisrx.com/]cialis no prescription[/url] long term use tadalafil cialis online tadalafil et cialis tadalafil nasal spray http://buyscialisrx.com/ tadalafil free
    trial

  • flesynC
    Posted February 24, 2020 at 9:43 am 0Likes

    acheter cialis discount cialis from india viagra to buy online uk

  • flesynC
    Posted February 26, 2020 at 9:22 pm 0Likes

    cheap viagra without prescriptions cheapest cialis no prescription buy viagra through paypal

  • ganhar na lotofacil
    Posted February 28, 2020 at 10:03 am 0Likes

    como ganhar na lotofacil acertar na lotofacil ganhar na lotofacil como ganhar na lotofacil de verdade como ganhar na lotofacil sempre como ganhar na lotofacil 2020 como ganhar na lotofacil 100 garantido dicas lotofacil como acertar na lotofacil dicas para ganhar na lotofacil

    https://medium.com/@comoganharnalotofacilsempre/como-ganhar-na-lotofC3A1cil-927d71e528a3

  • flesynC
    Posted February 29, 2020 at 3:25 am 0Likes

    buy cheap viagra mexico order cheap online levitra cheap viagra canada pharmacy

  • flesynC
    Posted March 4, 2020 at 4:02 am 0Likes

    is there a generic viagra cheap drugs cuanto sale el viagra en farmacias

  • flesynC
    Posted March 7, 2020 at 2:16 am 0Likes

    cialis china cheap cheap viagra cheap viagra generic pills

  • flesynC
    Posted March 13, 2020 at 1:20 pm 0Likes

    how to buy levitra no prescription cialis cost – cheapest cialis 10mg

  • flesynC
    Posted March 16, 2020 at 6:46 am 0Likes

    buy cialis uk no prescription buy cialis – buy cialis soft tabs

  • flesynC
    Posted March 19, 2020 at 1:28 pm 0Likes

    cialis 20 mg price walmart levitra coupon – cheap viagra overnight

  • flesynC
    Posted March 22, 2020 at 6:07 am 0Likes

    cialis coupon cvs levitra prices – generic viagra cheap no prescription

  • flesynC
    Posted March 24, 2020 at 11:13 pm 0Likes

    order viagra generic cialis coupon – can you buy viagra tesco

  • flesynC
    Posted March 27, 2020 at 5:55 pm 0Likes

    blood pressure pills cialis http://aralenph.com – buy alaren viagra sale toronto

  • broolbohyday
    Posted March 31, 2020 at 12:30 pm 0Likes

Leave a comment